I first discovered the healing power within my self in 1976. I was on the set of the macabre masterpiece of filmmaking Gothic, by master filmmaker of the macabre and dandruff-suffering friend of mine, Sir Ken Russell, who made Gothic.

I play a ham actor in the film and Ken plays the director. It was a lot of fun.

This particular day Ken was a bit upset. He was suffering from the most awful flaky scalp and the flakes kept blowing in shot. Every scene looked like it was snowing and I felt I could just cry! I had to move fast.

You will need:
Hands
Humour
Ken Russell

1. First use your humour to put your subject (for example Ken Russell) at ease, with a little joke. In this case I said: “Take two bottles into the shower, Ken?” but you should get your own joke.

2. Wait for your subject to laugh (or say “What?” as Ken did) and then say: “Not me – I just touch and go!” Now put both hands on your subject’s head.

3. Think Son of God.

4. About five minutes or so should do the trick, so your hands can get sweaty and make all the badness stick to you.

5. Et voila! Your subject (in my case, best friend of mine Ken Russell) is cured! Filming can recommence.

NOTE Later you can peel your subject/my Ken’s dandruffs off your hands and use them to decorate your pubic region and/or eat them up on your cornflakes. It’s up to you.

NEXT TIME: Julian's Cans - how to make a "telephone" system for you and your best friend.