Imagine the scene! It's 1986, and you're on the set of one of the most important films ever made (in my case, the macabre masterpiece Gothic). It's late, it's the last day of filming and there is just one crucial scene to go, but there's a problem! The director (and your friend) Ken Russell's hair is too long for his face and the wind keeps blowing it in shot.

You’ll need:
Some scissors
A comb

1. Help your subject into the director's chair and cover his clothes over with a towel (in my case, Ken Russell's clothes, my towel).

2. Comb the hair through affectionately with your fingers several times before you start. Don't worry if the chair isn't high enough; just stoop and pretend everything is okay.

3. Think Nicky Clarke.

4. Section the hair between your fingers to the required gothic shortness and cut it boldly, keeping the blades against the comb

5. Chat to your subject about where they've been on their holidays (in Ken's case, the Algarve).

6. Think steady-handed.

7. When the haircut is done, make sure you clean up properly, putting all the hairs in your pockets quickly so filming can recommence.

Next time: Yulian Sands - Yuletide Julian special. Wizard!