The original West End cast of Spastic Messiah in 2001

Narrator: A long, long time ago in a town called Nazareth there lived a woman called Mary and a carpenter called Joseph.

Enter Mary and Joseph, walking across stage.

Narrator: One day an angel appeared to Mary.

Enter angel.

Angel: Mary, you are the chosen one. Soon you will have a baby boy. He will be very special. He will be the Son of God and you must call him Jesus. Meanwhile Joseph, you might want to start thinking about carpenting some sort of wheelchair. And maybe a bib.

Exit angel.

Narrator: Mary and Joseph travelled to Bethlehem. When they arrived, every inn they went to was full.

Enter Inn Keeper

Inn Keeper: I have no room in my inn but you can stay in my stable instead wherein I keep my animals and where they shit in. If you want to. Up to you.

Exit Mary, Joseph and Inn Keeper. Set stage for stable.

Narrator: During the night Mary gave birth to her baby. She wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger.

Mary places baby in manger.
Baby's head lolls on one side and its tongue hangs out of its mouth.

Jesus: Hhhhnnnnnnnnnnng. Euuuuuergh!

Narrator: Nearby on a hillside an angel appeared to some shepherds, who were watching over their sheep.

Enter angel

Angel: Do not to be afraid I have good news. Well, good and bad. The Son of God is born. You will find him in a stable in Bethlehem. But - I must warn you - he's a spastic.

SONG - this Night a Needy King is Born