• Celery was first discovered in the Middle East by falafel farmers in 400BC. It soon became a crucial crudité of the Jewish people and was first mentioned in the bible a few days later. Leviticus Chapter 11: "And the Lord spake unto Moses saying unto him; These shall ye not eat of: them that chew the cud, or them that divide the hoof; as the camel, the pony, the swine; and those which are an abomination among the fowls: as the vulture, kite, raven, owl, cuckoo, cormorant, swan, pelican, stork, heron and the lapwing for they are unclean birds. But eat as much celery as you like"

• As the Christian faith went from strength to strength so the
worldwide eating of celery rose in popularity. Missionaries were known to carry bundles of the stuff on their trips to Africa, and even today vicars keep a crafty stalk behind the altar.

• Celery's darkest hour came in 1939 with the empowerment of Adolf Hitler and his Third Reich. As the German leader proceeded to invade most of Europe, so celery sales plummeted drastically.

• Recent studies done by biologists have concluded that perhaps
celery shouldn't be as popular as it once was, proving that for once Herr Hitler might have been right. Said a top biology spokesman in a lab "We tried some celery the other day and it fucking boring."