| To start being
a Xtian (pronounced "Christian")
first you'll need a BIBLE. But what it is?
And where do you get one?
Well, the Bible is what some
people call a Good Book. You may
think you've already got a good book, e.g.
Catcher 22, Catch Me Some Rye or Catching
Corelli's Mandarin, but forget them - in
fact bin them, burn them, and then throw
the whole ruddy mess on a bon-pyre.
When you become a Christian, the Bible
book should be your bread and butter, but
don't put jam on it or marmite or egg or
beans - just read it, and all the time.
Keep it in a drawer by your bed, if you're
in an hotel, or bash it in your bureau if
you're not. Just whatever you do don't swear
on it, you oaf. You can buy a copy from
a man named Gideon, order it off an Amazon,
or just borrow one off King James, he's
got loads.
Next: the
CHURCH.
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