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TFI Evans. Next
year sees the untimely and unwanted comeback of
top mogul TV mental Chris Evans to the small screen
with the launch of a new channel charting his
rise and fall as himself. Hot on the heels of
such worthlessly written autobiographies as Gerri
Halliwell’s Me, Me, Me, Robbie Williams’
I’m Am It Am I? and Ulrika Jonnson’s
Quite Honestly Jonnson, Evans’s new
channel will be in the form of a televisual autobiography
all about himself.
Ginger Productions is to remake
every single program Chris has ever made second
by second, word for word, laugh for laugh - and
screen them all day every day on TFI Evans,
a new carrot-top channel on your top whack set-top
top set.
Each morning from January 14th
on digital Freeview you will now be able to catch
Evans and womanly sidekick Gaby Roslin tickle
your funny-bones with live, newly made re-runs
of the The Big Breakfast just like they used to
do when it was first on for two long hours every
wacky fucking morning.
Christ, Heavens
Mid-morning through to late
afternoon will be filled with documentaries about
that time Evans was rude to a photographer or
something and his booze-fuelled marriage to top
toddler pop tart Billy Ocean.
At five o’clock each day
you can tune into a newly remade old episode of
TFI Friday, with Chris Evans dragging back all
the famous guests he had on the show and asking
them to swear again before the watershed in answer
to exactly the same questions. But the 'piece
of resistance' will be the nightly airing
of re-hashed game show Don’t Forget My Toothbrush,
Evans’ daring masterpiece of yellow tartan-suited
shenan-agains in which contestants battle it out
to win the prize of being the biggest twat on
national TV.
The channel’s slogan says
it all: Pure Evans heaven, twentyfour-seven. (Filmed
in Devon). |
