"Up each other's bums?" Davidson continues to have none of it.   Exclusive report: By Greta Hogg, Idiotica’s top homo-sexual expert, who would happily sleep with a gay man, but only if he asked nicely.

Shut that door! Going in is the new coming out.

In the ever-changing world of the gay man, fashions come and fashions go, quicker than a queero running away from a gang of bummer-bashers.

With the incredible increase of homos publicly declaring their sexuality in the last few years "coming out" has become the norm, and actually quite passé with the fashionable gay elite, don’t you know.

Some famous poofs have now been seen to be "going in" through their front doors and staying there. So this year expect to see fewer of our homosexual friends out and about because "going in" is the new "coming out".

Top TV Gaylord Dale Winton has said he won’t be appearing on telly at all in 2002, much to everyone’s relief. Ex-Steps singing shirt-lifter "H" was seen in Blockbusters renting 104 videos that will keep him indoors for a month or so. And gay black chef man Ainsley Harriot has had to cancel the next series of "Ready Steady Cook" after TV bosses refused to let him shoot his bits on a camcorder at home and just "post them in".

Of course whatever happens in the world of the homosexual always filters down to us in the normal world, and already there’s been a marked increase in non-ponces "going in" too.

But not everyone will be following the gay fashion "willy-nilly".

Staunch anti-homo Jim Davidson, presenter of The Generator Game, is adamant he won’t be following the "fucking bumchum" fashion of staying in. He said he’ll be "coming out" publicly, as often as possible, all over the place.

In, out, in, out, shake it all about

• The first famous person to "come out" ever was Oscar Wilde. He was promptly put in prison and told to shut up.
  
• Next up was Kenneth Williams, who "came out" of a gent's toilet in Covent garden, holding hands with Charles Hawtree.
  
• Freddie Mercury "came out" of a closet backstage at BandAid with a bloodied chopper, and Elton John famously "came out" from behind his giant spectacles to sing his hit record "Dead as a Dodo" when Princess Die finally died.
  
• And of course Michael Barrymore recently "came out" of his swimming pool, but left someone else in there to drown.