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Prisoner, cell block
VEG. Banged-up
no-gooders have had one more extra penance
added to their already locked-away lives.This
time it is not in the shape of a leather
jack boot or a warden's whip, more in the
form of a tofu-flavoured flip-flop.
Authorities sat in high
places on tall stools have deemed it "only
right" for prisoners to be stopped
eating great slabs of animal flesh (eg meats)
and instead munch on the vegetarian invention
of vegetables. The new menu on the blood-lusty
murderers' tables will be a beast-free bean-feast
drawn up by top-notch TV big head Loyd Grossman
on his etch-a-sketch.
"Non-violence starts
in the kitchen," he said.
In a bid to rid the convict
killers of their blood-tasting antics the
new veggie venture was firstly focused in
Florida on those lined up waiting death
in a row. Hoping to stop the offensive offenders
offending again the food served up for these
electric-chair bound death row waiters will
be bloodless plates of pulses.
But some caged up convicts
in England are going lentil-soup-stirring
crazy, taking drastic carnivorous actions.
Criminals cooped up in Colchester's clink
are up to their arms in objection at having
to eat vegetarian rubbish.
Last week, in a literally
blood-thirsty frenzy, inmates butchered
up their wardens dead. They then
had them jointed and vac-packed, finally
placing them in the prison's cold-store,
at a temperature below 5°c in compliance
with basic health and hygiene criteria to
stop the spread of harmful bacteria.
And it gets worser. One
desperate meat-loving prisoner who couldn't
wait for the choice cuts of warden fodder
to be cooked off in a red wine sauce cut
his own mouth out and fisted it down his
neck-hole, thereby starving the media of
any soundbites.
A history
of vegetarianisms
Vegetarians, who were
invented in bed by John Lennon, became fashionable
after his now dead and then long gone wife
Linda released her concept album Don't Eat
Anything With A Face in 1974.
Things turned sour in
1982 after she shot her husband dead for
hiding a sausage in his pocket, and married
her top-veggie popster brother Paul McCartney
instead.
The practice died down
soon after this until recently when it seems
that everyone who is anyone is vegetarianising
it. Paul Ross is said to be on a seafood
diet, and Tommy Boyd loves nothing more
than poking around in a pile of petit pois. |
