It ain’t 'alf racist, mum: Flenk entertains troops.

The inventor and editorial man of Idiotica magazine, the publication with which in association with Idiotica.co.uk is this is which is, has done a Rolf and gone out to the Gulf to entertain the British troops, on his shopmobility spazwagon.

Dorian Flenk – celebrated satirist, dramatist and liver-spotted failure – swapped the deserted tarmacs of buzzing Beak Street for the increasingly popular holiday destination of the Iraqi desert, riding on his OAP flidbike wearing his trademark hat and guitar and singing “The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow” all the way there.

The 600 soldiers of the 1st Battalion of the Staffordshire Regiment were stunned when Flenk was found freshening up at their basin at their base in Al Qurnah.

Dismounting his cripcycle, Flenk launched into a rendition of his then legendary and now illegal 1965 epic variety act “Twist & Flenk”. His opening number, entitled The Gollywog Song, was yet again to be his closing number.

“The men was very upset,” said entertainments organiser Jim Davidson. “Some of the troops was in tears – crying and that. It’s lonely in the field – far from home, missing the near misses with the missus. It’s great if somebody turns up to cheer you up with the strike of a banjo. But if some joker turns up on a special needs vehicle singing a racially insensitive song… well, I’m sorry, but I can’t even bring myself to talk about it any more. I’m all choked up. Fuck me, it was beautiful.”

After his 3rd consecutive encore Flenk loaded up on duty free mints and lager, span his mong scooter around, via a complicated 5-point turn manoeuvre, and headed home.

He was expected back at Idiotica Towers yesterday or today, we didn’t write it down.