Daydream Believer: Davy Jones and one of the seeing-eye monkeys, like the one he now has instead of eyes.   Written by: Morris Trotter, journalist, travel writer and romantic novelist. Don't miss his fourth novel, Spastic Messiah, out now in paperback.

Monkey see, Monkee DON'T.

Davy Jones, heartthrob singer from ex-popular beat combo The Monkees, has admitted yesterday that he has got blindness of the eyes. And luckily, he is among many trial eye-spazzers who have been given seeing-eye monkeys, instead of labradogs.

"It's a case not so much of the blind leading the blind, but a monkey leading a Monkee," quipped Jones. "It's a case of monkey see, yeah? Monkee DON'T," he added, really driving the point home.

In a bizarre twist, some monkey-hating foreign children yesterday blinded a monkey at London Zoo in the eyes with a crossbow.

"That was Monkey C, my best monkey," lamented part-time zookeeper Jim Smalls. "Him used to be able to see so good. But now he just DON'T."

In related stories, biologists have finally admitted today that sea monkeys are not really monkeys at all and almost certainly have no eyesight; and top fat man Richard Griffiths has announced he is on a sea monkey diet. "I just see monkeys, and I have to eat them," he joked in his jolly fat way before adding: "Not really."