Tits of an angel.

The controversy surrounding famed big voice Charlotte Church's 15th birthday bash last Friday has led top police paedophile units to go on red alert.

The p-operatic singer, recently seen showing off the size of her underage chest in the tabloids, has had Scotland Yarders up in their arms trying to investigate exactly what is going on.

The party, which took place at top new bar 'DIGRESS' on London's wanky Beak Street had many of the world's child stars drinking pop and talking in high voices. Donny Osmond was seen sporting off his new haircut, Michael Jackson was playing with his monkey, and top kiddie-comic duo PJ and Duncan had the party goers in some stitches with their constant japes-a-kimbo.

Police were alerted to the festivities when infamed kiddie-fiddler Jonathan King tried to get in dressed as a clown, and Gary Glitter sent a well-wishing message to Miss Church on her mobile phone.

But finally the true culprit of crime was found to be Charlotte Church herself. Her life in the light of lime has meant she has grown up too quickly and, although she has only just celebrated her 15th birthday, her pop star maturity gives her the personality of an 18 year old.

Said police paedy poacher Pete Pinkster: "That's 3 years older than her actual years, and 3 years too many for the police. If she was sleeping with a man of that age we'd been down on him like a ton of bricks, but she's been sleeping with herself for years and we've got to put a stop to it."

A restraining order has been issued disallowing Miss Church within a 50ft radius of herself and failing that she'll have to sleep with a policeman.