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Vegetarians: just what is their
problem? Man was borned
by God to eat meat – that’s a fact.
The teeth inside our heads are not like those
of a sheep's. Our sharp fangs were invented to
bite and chew things made up of muscle and sinew.
“A man without meat is
not man at all” said Byron, and a woman with
no meat inside her is unlikely to get pregnant;
that’s been proven, scientifically, by some
doctors. So what’s a vegetarian all about?
Not sure yet, but in this here we begin to unravel
the origins of vegetarianisms, and find out about
the inherent dangers of being one.
What are they?
Vegetarians are only able to
eat vegetables. This is through choice, but can
be regarded as a form of mental illness. Pallid
in complexion and weak of limb, the vegetarian
is usually devoid of a sense of humour, will often
go to bed early and abstain from the consumption
of alcohol. They are prone to keeping their trousers
up with plastic belts, wearing sandals made from
hay, and display untidy facial hairs (including
the women). Some vegetarians are under the false
assumption that it’s alright to eat a fish
or a chicken but not a cow or a pig. What’s
the difference? They’re all animals, apart
from fish which are fishes, but still.
Where do they come
from?
Vegetarians were invented in
the summer of love in 1969 in a bed by John Lennon.
It soon caught on with hippy peoples but really
became fashionable after Lennon’s now dead
and then long gone wife Linda released her concept
album Don't Eat Anything With A Face in 1974.
Things turned sour in 1982 when she shot her husband
dead for hiding a chipolata in his pocket, and
married her top-veggie popster brother Paul McCartney
instead. The practice died down soon after this
until recently when it seems that everyone who
is anyone is vegetarianising it. TV fatso Paul
Ross is said to be on a seafood diet, and Ulrika
Johnson loves nothing more than getting her lips
round the flesh of some hot Swede. |
