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Racing to the finish line: old people. However healthy they may look, they're never going to make it.
 
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By the byline:

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Martin Lucas-Tooth hangs his head in shame, like so many government officials like the ones he writes about in the fourth paragraph of this story here.
Old people keep on dying.

A government report on the number of deaths of British old people in Britain’s old people's homes has come as both a surprise and a shock to those who are in charge and those who are not, who all thought they were doing their jobs properly, but weren’t.

That fact is that the number of old people dying in old people's homes is almost totally 100% and surely, by government standards, that’s 100 too many percents by far.

This remarkably big figure was published last year, in a relatively small report in a medium-sized pool of average interest.

Shame faced government officials are hanging their faces in shame at what seems to be a complete lack of effort in trying to keep old people alive whilst tucked up in their deathbeds.

Figures show that the longer the old people stay in the old people's homes the more likely they are to die there. Reasons for this rise are presently unknown, but it’s thought that many old people are just being allowed to die, usually drifting away in their sleep.

Attempts to keep them alive at night by waking them periodically with loud alarms or throwing cold water over them have so far proved to be counter-productive. The use of these shock tactics means the old people are now dying from heart attacks instead.

 
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