Lock, stock and too scared to touch a spider.

Hard as a frozen packet of nails footballer turned typecast Hollywood psychopath Vinnie Jones yesterday told Idiotica how he would not touch a spider, given the choice of whether to touch one or not to. Touch one, that is.

Mr Jones, who specialises in playing one-dimensional gangster roles in Guy Ritchie "films" and their inexplicable progeny, confessed to having no desire to come into physical contact with the eight-legged creatures. "It's not that I'm scared of them so much," he said. "It's just that I wouldn't volunteer to touch one for no good reason."

Scared

The actor went on to explain how, if a spider were to crawl onto him while he was watching "the old box", say, he wouldn't mind it and would just shake the offending spider off onto a bit of paper and throw it on the wood burner. But under no circumstances would he "go out of his way" to touch one unless he felt it necessary.

"I'm not scared of them," he added. "Me, I quite like them. Live and let live, that's what I say."

Woofter

On the quiet, car door-slamming tough guy Vinnie also admitted he enjoys tennis and is an avid Dawson's Creek fan, although he wouldn’t bother taping it – if, say, he was out when it was on.