Gary Numan is the new Gary Oldman.

On-screen and off his boiled sweets bearded Hollywood bad boy Gareth Oldman, 72 (like Rolf Harris), has been described as too old in the face to get his good parts out in movies any more. The big casting agent who told him this so also hinted that top eighties synthesiser guru and mascara-wearing futurist Gareth Numan may well step into the actor’s old shoes, with his new ones.

Oldman, who is now twice as old as he was in half the amount of time since he wasn’t, is said to have taken the news badly, like an old man would. Famous for parts including the deaf dog in Beethoven, Sid Vicious in Rib’n’Saucy and Leon, in Leon the Big Farmer, Oldman has had a career, but has now been labelled “over the hills” since going to his seeds in the recent crop of roles he has played.

Idiotica can confirm that Oldman’s old contract has definitely not been renewed meaning bad news on the old remuneration front for this particular old man.

For Numan, however, it’s the best news he’s heard since little Ben Hardwick’s liver transplant went shit.

“I feel like a new old man,” said Numan, which he is. (Gary NEW man (Numan)).