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Britain buys slice of American
pie. A merciful leg up
for British films on the so-called global cinematic
ladder is on its way across a pond - so Idiotica
hears - in the form of a big star spangly barrow-load
of the very best “movie” plot ideas
from our American cousin, the United State of
Americans.
The good news comes courteously
of some of Hollywood’s hottest and shottest
Hollywood hotshots, who have all got together
and shot their hot loads to “loan” us
a load of shit hot ideas that they have been proud
enough literally to call “American”.
Consequently in some pipelines
right blooming now are British Beauty,
British Psycho, British History X,
A British Werewolf in London and Britain’s
Sweethearts – the plots of which have
all been handed “easy over” to us on
a plate, with some kwaffee, and a side order of
acting talent, to go and make with our own versions
of.
But the first of these US/UK
crossovers to get with the programme (as opposed
to the program) will be the teen sex comedy British
Pie. And like its American uncle, the UK version
will feature a boy “making whoopsee”
with his pudding.
For whom the Jamie
tolls
Lucky rent boy turned uppity
Bafta-wielding ballerina/actor hybrid Jamie
Bell has been chosen for his main part, with
the interchangeable cast of Hollyoaks filling
the supporting roles.
Said Bell about the project:
“I was in Billy Elliot last year as Billy
Elliot and I got the Best Actor award, and Russell
Crowe wasn’t and didn’t.”
Sponsoring the movie and supplying
the eponymous British Pie will be UK pie mogul
Dr Rudyard Kipling, who - despite doubts voiced
within the British film academy - remains convinced
that the project will make an exceedingly good
film.
There hasn’t been a decent
British sex comedy since Alas Smith & Jones’s
1989 smash hit Wilt. Before that time the
British film industry was in its golden era, churning
out classic after classic – for instance
Morons from Outer Space and Nuns on
the Run.
Bona-fide Eastend ghetto child
Guy Rich-Teas is still under a 2-year ban from
film directing imposed on him after Snatch.
He is currently working with brother Shane on
a new commercial for Daz Doorstops sandwiches,
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