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| Top: Them
there hills. Below: Nicholson,
thinking about Anna Friel's bottom. |
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| Who writes this
hot shit? |
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Jeremy Gazelle writes
this hot shit, that's who. "Woooo!"
he says as his pen catches fire and the letters
glow hot on the page. "This is some hot
shit." |
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There’s
olds in them there hills.
US scientists from Tinseltown
have discovered the ultimate way to keep film
stars looking young: hibernation.
Old celebrities, desperate to
keep their youths on their faces, are said to
be paying up to a million quids in dollars to
slumber for six months or more, just like moles
do.
The breakthrough comes courtesy
of a group of doctors claiming they have discovered
where the body clock is located and
that they are able to “take its batteries
out and leave them in a drawer for a bit”,
rendering the body into a state of especially
heavy sleepfullyness.
Thanks to this new process,
Jack Nicholson is hoping to de-age by at least
5 years in the next five years in a bid to appeal
to horny young northern lezzer Anna Friel, and
then give her a fuck. Meanwhile Cher freely admits
to writing most of her recent hits in a brain-dead
state. Not sure if that’s relevant though.
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