Coffee is funny because it is a drink and it is also a drug.

How to order a coffee off a blind person in Starbucks

For those that say don't do drink and drugs we say "Don't drink coffee", because it's a both of them, and one and the other too.

Coffee, first found in a houses in New York is served hot and makes you feel a little bit like mental.

It will give you the chattering mind, a pounding teeth, some gabbling heart and racing mouths, but not always in that order. If you know what's good for you don't touch coffee, it'll kill you in the end, mark these words. Just look at Peter Duncan.

It comes disguised under milk in many disguises, mostly Italian. Go into any coffee shop and you can order a campucino (if gay), expresso (if in a hurry), latte (if not) or whatever.

They're all the same thing under the frothy milk: coffee, and our advice is: "leave well alone them coffees". The last thing the late (he was always late) Peter Cook drank was a triple-espresso latte laced with a double rums and brandy.